How To Look Good Naked

We hear a lot about the importance of self-confidence. We want it for ourselves and we want to give it to our kids.

It’s a great idea that makes sense, but how important is it really? How much of an impact does it really have on our lives? And if we don’t have it, how do we get it?

A while ago, I watched the coolest show called How to Look Good Naked. (For those of you with satellite or cable, this show might not be new news. But to me with my 3 channels at home, watching this at a friend’s house was a real kick!)

When I saw that this show was coming up, I immediately assumed that it was about liposuction, breast implants and cellulite creams. (This seems to be the way of things these days.)

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t about changing how the woman looked physically at all. It was about changing how she felt about herself on the inside. Sure, they gave her a new haircut and put professional makeup on her, but that’s not the part of us that we’re worried about when we’re naked!!

What they showed her was that she was much more attractive to other people than she thought. They put pictures of her body in a bra and underwear on billboards and then videotaped the responses of complete strangers. The women just broke down when they heard things like “she looks great”, “she looks like a real woman”, “she’s got curves in all the right places”, etc.

After years of conditioning that the only thing that is attractive is Barbie-type proportions and “Nivea-smooth skin”, the idea that our aging, post-baby, less-than-firm bodies might be attractive is absolutely shocking to the point of upsetting!!

The next part of the show found our friend in her bra and undies heading into a room where six women were lined up – also in their bra and undies. These ladies were all kinds of sizes. They weighed anywhere from 150 lbs to 250 lbs. And they looked fabulous!!

The point of this exercise was to show our heroine how inaccurate her self-image was. She specifically did not like her hips. So, our ladies were all lined up in order of hip size. Our friend had to insert herself into the line where she believed she fit – by hip size. After inserting herself between two ladies who were much bigger than she was, she was absolutely shocked to find out what her actual measurements looked like on other people.

I thought this exercise was fascinating. But it wasn’t what really knocked me out. What really got me was how beautiful and attractive all of the women were! Most of them were what you would consider to be quite overweight – not bikini-material for sure. And yet as they stood there in nothing but their bra and underwear, they were absolutely striking!

But do you know what they had? Confidence and self-esteem. You could see it in their faces. You could see it in their posture. They stood tall with their one leg slightly bent like a model. They smiled and were happy to be there.

The truth is, that you couldn’t really “see” their “imperfections”. When you looked at them, all you saw was how beautiful and fantastic they were. This was very confusing to me. (One of those brain-melting experiences…)

We have been very well-trained that our appearance is all about our physical bodies. We believe that what other people see first and foremost is our bodies! But it isn’t true. We send out other things long before anyone sees our physical bodies.

People sense our confidence. They sense our happiness or sadness. What they notice the most about us is how we feel about us! Our physical bodies just add some colour.

This phenomenon has always confused me. There are people in my life who I have always thought of as being very attractive. But when you actually look at them physically, there is nothing particularly striking about their appearance. But there is a confidence or a kindness or a “something” about them that actually stores itself in my mind first. And that is what I remember about them. Their actual physical looks are completely secondary.

I have found that about myself. There are days that I am not feeling great about things and I’ll go to all lengths to “make myself up” – the hair, the make-up, the clothes – and the first thing someone says to me is, “Are you feeling alright today? You look a little down.”

Or then there are the days where I am feeling fantastic and on top of the world. It’s a lurk-at-home day and so I have chosen to hang about unshowered and in my grubbies. But then of course I have to slip into town for something. So off I go in my grubs to grab something from Zehrs.

So here’s me with crazy bed-head (I have a lot of curly hair), a bit of make-up smeared under one eye, ratty track pants and socks in my sandals and the first person that I see (who unfortunately recognizes me) says “Hey, how’re you doin’? You look fantastic! Have you lost weight?”

Again with the brain-melting!

The truth is that we are so much greater than our bodies. Society and the media like to focus on it because all they have is TV projections and magazine ads. All they have is two dimensions to work with and so the physical element is it for them.

But this is not our actual reality. What we see in the flesh is not really the flesh at all. The flesh is just there for colour. What people really see is who we are on the inside. If you love who you are, then other people will love who you are.

Whether you are attractive or not has nothing to do with how you think you look to other people. It is all about how you feel about yourself. And because this is just a mindset, it is the easiest to change. You don’t have to diet and exercise. You don’t have to try to look good for other people.

All you have to do is change your mind.

(This was first published in the Goderich Signal Star in May, 2008)