The Joys of the Six O’Clock News

I don’t normally watch the news.

It was probably twenty years ago that I decided that a daily update of the number of homicides, rapes and car accidents in Toronto just didn’t seem to be adding much to my life. My opinion of the Six O’clock News became quite cynical. I felt it was “too sensational”. It seemed like they only reported the bad stuff and therefore, we were given an overly negative, inaccurate and incomplete portrayal of what was going on in the world.

And so, my news updates have tended to consist of whatever I hear in the car on my way to work in the morning and that has been fine with me.

But a few weeks ago, I was at my dad’s place and the Six O’Clock News appeared before my eyes. As I watched stories of the men who drowned in Toronto and the young boy who was killed in a drive-by shooting and the solders who had been killed overseas, a great new realization hit me: “Thank God this is what they’re reporting on the Six o’clock news!!”

How lucky are we that we live in a country where we still think that someone being killed is newsworthy? There are many places in the world where people of all ages are killed every day and it is simply considered a part of life.

There was a clip about the rescue attempts of a man in Toronto who had been fishing and fell into the river. Divers worked all day trying to find him. Paramedics were on hand in the hopes that they found him alive. In the end, they just worked hard to find the body so that there could be a proper burial. How many places in the world wouldn’t or couldn’t go to such lengths for a single man’s life?

There were stories of assault, robbery, illegal drug operations, car accidents and violence in the schools. In a world that we are led to believe is going down the tubes, that these things are still newsworthy says that they still shock and upset us. This is a good sign.

And what about the traffic? Lots of news about commuters stuck in traffic jams each morning and evening. Terrible, eh? Just think of all these industrious people in their cars going to and from their jobs each day making a living so that they can raise families, pay taxes and have financial independence. Hmm, not the worst problem to have to deal with.

And think of the great lengths we go to in order to find missing children. And what about all the magazines covered with stories about Brittany Spears and whether or not she is a fit mother for her two little boys? Is it ridiculous and sensational to follow around this poor woman with binoculars and dissect her life with a microscope? Yes. But the fact that her fitness for motherhood is so phenomenally newsworthy, tells us that as a society, we still believe that the welfare of children is important.

And then we get to hear about relationships like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. We hear about their fights (real or not), their break-ups (true or not) and their angry ex-girlfriends (angry or not). Apparently we find couples having issues worth reading about. Or maybe we just like that fact that extremely beautiful, successful people have the same problems that we do. In the end, the fact remains that we still think that relationships matter. Otherwise, no one would care. The general public would just say, “Oh, just break up already and spend your life alone. It’s better that way!”. But we don’t. We want the relationships to work. We want people to be happy. This is a good thing.

It would seem that watching the Six O’clock News shows us that, as a society, we still believe that being good to others, caring for our children, education, peace-keeping, relationships, working hard, and preserving life is important to us.

I think that this is a good sign.

(This column was originally published in the Goderich Signal Star in September, 2008)

How To Look Good Naked

We hear a lot about the importance of self-confidence. We want it for ourselves and we want to give it to our kids.

It’s a great idea that makes sense, but how important is it really? How much of an impact does it really have on our lives? And if we don’t have it, how do we get it?

A while ago, I watched the coolest show called How to Look Good Naked. (For those of you with satellite or cable, this show might not be new news. But to me with my 3 channels at home, watching this at a friend’s house was a real kick!)

When I saw that this show was coming up, I immediately assumed that it was about liposuction, breast implants and cellulite creams. (This seems to be the way of things these days.)

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t about changing how the woman looked physically at all. It was about changing how she felt about herself on the inside. Sure, they gave her a new haircut and put professional makeup on her, but that’s not the part of us that we’re worried about when we’re naked!!

What they showed her was that she was much more attractive to other people than she thought. They put pictures of her body in a bra and underwear on billboards and then videotaped the responses of complete strangers. The women just broke down when they heard things like “she looks great”, “she looks like a real woman”, “she’s got curves in all the right places”, etc.

After years of conditioning that the only thing that is attractive is Barbie-type proportions and “Nivea-smooth skin”, the idea that our aging, post-baby, less-than-firm bodies might be attractive is absolutely shocking to the point of upsetting!!

The next part of the show found our friend in her bra and undies heading into a room where six women were lined up – also in their bra and undies. These ladies were all kinds of sizes. They weighed anywhere from 150 lbs to 250 lbs. And they looked fabulous!!

The point of this exercise was to show our heroine how inaccurate her self-image was. She specifically did not like her hips. So, our ladies were all lined up in order of hip size. Our friend had to insert herself into the line where she believed she fit – by hip size. After inserting herself between two ladies who were much bigger than she was, she was absolutely shocked to find out what her actual measurements looked like on other people.

I thought this exercise was fascinating. But it wasn’t what really knocked me out. What really got me was how beautiful and attractive all of the women were! Most of them were what you would consider to be quite overweight – not bikini-material for sure. And yet as they stood there in nothing but their bra and underwear, they were absolutely striking!

But do you know what they had? Confidence and self-esteem. You could see it in their faces. You could see it in their posture. They stood tall with their one leg slightly bent like a model. They smiled and were happy to be there.

The truth is, that you couldn’t really “see” their “imperfections”. When you looked at them, all you saw was how beautiful and fantastic they were. This was very confusing to me. (One of those brain-melting experiences…)

We have been very well-trained that our appearance is all about our physical bodies. We believe that what other people see first and foremost is our bodies! But it isn’t true. We send out other things long before anyone sees our physical bodies.

People sense our confidence. They sense our happiness or sadness. What they notice the most about us is how we feel about us! Our physical bodies just add some colour.

This phenomenon has always confused me. There are people in my life who I have always thought of as being very attractive. But when you actually look at them physically, there is nothing particularly striking about their appearance. But there is a confidence or a kindness or a “something” about them that actually stores itself in my mind first. And that is what I remember about them. Their actual physical looks are completely secondary.

I have found that about myself. There are days that I am not feeling great about things and I’ll go to all lengths to “make myself up” – the hair, the make-up, the clothes – and the first thing someone says to me is, “Are you feeling alright today? You look a little down.”

Or then there are the days where I am feeling fantastic and on top of the world. It’s a lurk-at-home day and so I have chosen to hang about unshowered and in my grubbies. But then of course I have to slip into town for something. So off I go in my grubs to grab something from Zehrs.

So here’s me with crazy bed-head (I have a lot of curly hair), a bit of make-up smeared under one eye, ratty track pants and socks in my sandals and the first person that I see (who unfortunately recognizes me) says “Hey, how’re you doin’? You look fantastic! Have you lost weight?”

Again with the brain-melting!

The truth is that we are so much greater than our bodies. Society and the media like to focus on it because all they have is TV projections and magazine ads. All they have is two dimensions to work with and so the physical element is it for them.

But this is not our actual reality. What we see in the flesh is not really the flesh at all. The flesh is just there for colour. What people really see is who we are on the inside. If you love who you are, then other people will love who you are.

Whether you are attractive or not has nothing to do with how you think you look to other people. It is all about how you feel about yourself. And because this is just a mindset, it is the easiest to change. You don’t have to diet and exercise. You don’t have to try to look good for other people.

All you have to do is change your mind.

(This was first published in the Goderich Signal Star in May, 2008)

May the "Thwartz" Be With You

A friend of mine was recently having “one of those weeks” – you know, one of those weeks where no matter which way she turned she felt like she was being thwarted. If she wanted to “do this”, something got in her way. If she wanted to “do that”, something else stopped her in her tracks. After a few days, she was completely and utterly frustrated!

When this happens, we find ourselves angry at the people who thwarted us. We spend an awful lot of brain-space blaming them for being unfeeling, inconsiderate, and any other adjective that described how that thwart made us feel.

But what if the thwarts were in our best interest? What if they actually made our life better?

How many times have we looked back on things that have happened and realized in hindsight what a blessing it was that it turned out that way? I have had countless experiences that seemed unfair, unfortunate, annoying, frustrating, and maddening at the time. But later, I realized how much better everything turned out than if my preferred path had have worked out.

After a while you start to ask yourself, “What if these blocks are in my path for a reason?” “What if the universe is giving me a hand to steer me on a more interesting path?”

When these questions really start to percolate through our systems, the blocks in our road become a bit more interesting. Instead of just reacting negatively towards them, our thoughts go in other directions. “Am I supposed to dig deep and meet this challenge or is this a nudge in a different direction?”

Each time we face a stone in our path, those are really the questions that we want to ask. And each time it is different.

The cool thing is that it brings us from a place of knee-jerk reactivity to a place of contemplative choice – which is a much more interesting way to face challenges!!

So, the next time that you find yourself being thwarted at every turn, take some advice from the immortal wisdom of Star Wars and… are you ready???....

MAY THE “THWARTZ” BE WITH YOU!