What Is Normal?

“At that time, my interest in therapy had not awakened,

but the pathological variants of so-called normality

fascinated me.”

Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams & Reflections

The pathological variants of so-called normality!!! Wow! What a mouthful.

Have you ever thought about what it means to be normal?

For many of us, this seems to be an overriding goal in our lives. We want to fit in. We want people to like us. We don’t want to stand out. We don’t want anyone to think that we were weird or different.

But what is this “normal” that we are trying to be like? What is this mould that we are trying to fit into? Is it really something that we want to be striving for? Is being “normal” really a worthy goal for us?

What Carl Jung’s quote really asks us is, “Is there any such thing as normal?”

What if there is no such thing? What if there are so many “variants of so-called normality” that the idea itself is ludicrous?

The idea of “normal” is that there is one particular way to be – that there is some kind of formula to follow so that you can be “like everyone else”. But what if it actually doesn’t exist?

The next time you walk down a street, look at the people around you. Everyone is different. Some are tall and some are short. Some are skinny some are heavy. There are brunettes, blondes, redheads, and everything in between. There are lawyers and doctors and mothers and shop clerks. There are athletes and artists and academics and musicians. There are rich and poor. There are happy people, sad people, angry people, healthy people and sick people.

Can you pick out the one that you would call “normal”? Can you divide the people into normal and not-normal groups? And if there was someone walking with you, would they pick out the same “normal” group as you did? I doubt it.

The reality is that there is no such thing – by design. We aren’t supposed to fit into any mould. We are each supposed to be absolutely and wonderfully unique.

Have you ever really thought about the fact that we each have a unique fingerprint? At the time of this writing, there are over 6.5 billion people on the planet. That means that there are over 6.5 billion absolutely unique fingerprints walking around right now! That’s truly a phenomenal feat of creativity considering the square inch of space that we’re talking about!

This is no accident! As unique as our fingerprints are, so are we. We aren’t supposed to be like anyone else. We aren’t supposed to look or act like anyone but ourselves.

We are each supposed to like different things, have different gifts, have different challenges and want different things out of life. This is how we are designed.

But how often do we compare ourselves to others? Does this even make any sense? Is it even possible to compare us to each other? Or are we constantly comparing apples to oranges? Are the oranges always saying that the apples should be “orangier”? And that the oranges should be “apple-ier”?

In reality, the end result of all comparisons should simply be “YEP. WE’RE DIFFERENT”. That is all that we know. There is no better or worse. There is only different.

How cool is that? Imagine - no more comparisons. No more wishing that we were different. No more feeling better or worse off than anyone else.

What if we didn’t spend another minute criticizing ourselves and wishing we were different or better? What if we spent our life just exploring this bizarre and wonderful creation that is us?

We’d be so busy finding out what makes us tick that we would have to cancel all of those sessions with our counsellors and psychologists. We’d have to throw out all of our self-help books and just live in our minds and bodies!

And what’s even better is that we would stop looking at other people and wishing that they would change. We would stop expecting people to act more like us and think more like us. Each encounter with our spouse, our children, our family and friends would be a gloriously unique encounter with each person truly honouring exactly who the other person was!

Seems impossible, eh? No more judgement of each other. No more gossiping about each other. No more co-dependent relationships where each person has to be like the other in order to get along. Imagine…

So how do we do it?

Start with you. Love who you are. Embrace all of your quirks and follies along with your strengths and passions. Just be you.

I mean, who are you comparing yourself to anyhow?

(This column was first published in the Goderich Signal Star in August 2008)