Being Careful of Our Goals

We`ve been in renovation for a while now. Partly it`s because we moved into a "fixer-upper". And partly it's renovations from the tornado last year.

This morning over coffee, my husband remarked that there are lots of people that would be crazy living in constant renovation like this - that he was glad we weren't like that.

Hmm... The truth is that we are definitely kind of slack about these kinds of things. Maybe it was 17 years of living on a dairy farm where the work was never-ending has burned us out. Or maybe we're just too busy to get too wrapped up in it. But the truth is, I don't want to miss out on REAL LIFE because we've set a renovation goal.

I had a really weird thought last August on the day of the tornado.  As my daughter and I were coming up out of our basement and we saw the devastation all around us, it was horrible to see all of our neighbours' houses destroyed (ours only had minor damage).

Now, the mind is a weird thing and I don't know when I actually had this thought (and I know that this has nothing to do with them personally - that it's my stuff), but I remember looking across the road at our friends' house which was destroyed. It was a cute little wartime home that they had really spruced up inside - it was really lovely. Well, our friends were devastated. They had just grabbed their infant daughter out of her bed just in time before her room was filled with debris and glass. It was a horrible time for them...

And what goes through my mind? "Man, I hope that they didn't bust their butts getting the house cleaned and fixed up that morning."

I know it's sick and ridiculous. But that moment has haunted me ever since.

That thought haunts me every time I get antsy about getting a job finished. You know the time - when something in your brain says "You should get "this" job done. You just have to put your mind to it. You just have to get the kids helping. You just have to get your priorities straight. Don't you want to get this done? Wouldn't it be nice to live in a finished house?..."

But some days, I just don't feel like it... finishing just feels hard... I'd rather relax or hang out with the kids or go to the beach...But now, on those days when "The General" in my head starts to lecture me, I think about my friends' beautiful little house and I think, "What if we make ourselves miserable getting it done and it all gets blown away in a tornado?"

Eventually a day comes where we truly WANT to work on the renovations. And often, there is some interesting new thoughts that inspire us to do something slightly different than we would've done if we'd pushed and things turn out even better than we'd expected.

The truth is, I think that the destruction of the tornado and the suffering of everyone around us really helped me to get my priorities in line.

For the first six months, I walked out of my house into a war zone. For the last few months, thank goodness, it's a construction zone. And every time it reminds me how transient our "stuff" is. It reminds me to really focus on the things that matter - for me, relationships, personal growth and the pursuit of joy.

And sometimes that joy is truly painting a wall and laying new flooring. But it is definitely crystal clear when it isn't. And I'm not giving up ENJOYING MY LIFE just to get the job done. :)

Loving Ourselves Once and For All

Many of us struggle with self-worth issues. We spend a huge amount of time and energy trying to make our bodies look like something that we can be proud of. For some it looks like eating disorders. For others it's extreme workouts. It can even be done through extreme yogic discipline which gives it a righteous, spiritual twist - but it's a twist nonetheless.

For me, I wasn't so different from other girls who were obsessed with their body shape. My friends were all size 0 - I wasn't. I thought I was fat. I wasn't. But it started me on a rollercoaster of dieting, extreme exercise - even bulimia in my teens.

So, I am reading a book called "Body and Soul: Honouring Marion Woodman". What follows is an excerpt that describes a time in Marion's life when she was very anorexic and struggling with self-worth and so many of the things that many of us struggle with.

I found so much truth in this, I had to share it. Thank you Marion.

During her severe bout with dysentery in India, Marion had an experience that turned her life around. Too weak to stand, she fell on the tile floor of her bathroom.

How long I was there, I do not know.  I came to consciousness on the ceiling, my spirit looking down at my body caked in dry vomit and excrement. I saw it lying there helpless, still, and then I saw it take in a breath. ‘Poor dummy,’ I thought. ‘Don’t you know you’re dead?’ And mentally gave it a kick. Suddenly I remembered my little Cairn terrier. ‘I wouldn’t treat Gyronne that way,’ I thought. ‘I wouldn’t treat a dog the way I’m treating my own body. I wonder what will become of it if I leave it here? Will they burn it? Will they send it home?”
She wondered why her body wouldn’t stop breathing, why her spirit was not taking advantage of this opportunity to finally free itself: “I’ve been wanting to get out all my life. And here I’m out. All I have to do is take off,” she thought.
“Paralyzed by the immensity of my decision - either to leave my body there or go back into it - I saw it take another breath. I was overcome with compassion for this dear creature lying on the floor faithfully waiting for me to return, faithfully taking in one breath after another, confident that I would not forsake it, more faithful to me than I to it.
“All my life I had hated my body. It was not beautiful enough. It was not thin enough. I had driven it, starved it, stuffed it, cursed it, and even now kicked it, and there it still was, trying to breathe, convinced that I would come back and take it with me, too dumb to die. And I knew the choice was mine. Most of my life I had lived outside my body, my energy disconnected from my feelings, except when I danced. Now it was my choice - either to move into my body and live my life as a human being, or to move out into what I imagined would be freedom. I also thought of what a blow it would be to Ross, not to know what had happened to me, and did not want my body to be burned on the ghats in India. A profound shift took place: an overwhelming sweetness and love came into me for this poor thing on the floor.
“I saw it take another breath and there was something so infinitely innocent and trusting, so exquisitely familiar, in that movement that I chose to come down from the ceiling and move in. Together we dragged ourselves to the little bed. I did my best to take care of it. It was as if I could hear it whispering, ‘Rest, perturbed spirit, rest.” For days, perhaps nine days, I stayed in the womb of the Ashoka [hotel].”

Here's to loving ourselves, once and for all.

The lovely Marion Woodman.

Confessions of a Newbie Nudist #2

So, it's day three on the "clothing optional beach". By this time, we were relaxed enough to really enjoy ourselves. In fact, all kinds of funny thoughts were now allowed to run through my mind (and out my mouth). I would be lying there doing a Logic Puzzle and I'd turn to Wayne and say, "Hey Wayne! Guess what? I'm doing a Logic Puzzle on the beach TOTALLY NAKED!!"  Bahahahaha!!!

Then, the fireman from Illinois on the chaise lounge next to me would strike up a conversation. An hour later, I would roll over and say to Wayne, "Hey Wayne!! Guess what? I just talked for an hour to a naked man who WASN'T YOU!!!"  Bahahahahaha!!!!

Soon, I was able to actually look at people's bodies (not just at their eyes). The amazing thing is that it was really nice. There were old people and young. There were heavy and skinny. But the amazing thing is that none of it mattered. Sure, there was the odd woman with a "perfect" body and fake boobs. (Did I look at them? Sure I did. She was my age. After nursing two children and 40+ years of gravity, mine just don't look like that. It was like staring at an alien or something... something just wasn't right...  But to each his own... It's all good.)

What was really interesting was how the women appeared so different. Bathing suits "cut us up" into legs, belly, boobs, etc. We are able to be critical and say "My legs have cellulite" or "my belly is fat", or "my boobs are too small", etc. But I wonder if this is just because we "frame" these parts with a bathing suit. Because once you're naked, you're just naked. You become this "whole" person. And the women - old or young - heavy or skinny - just looked like beautiful women. They were whole. They were just wonderful specimens of femininity. You had to look pretty closely and critically to see the sagging breasts or skin or cellulite. Of course it was there. But for me, it all got lost in the whole, beautiful picture.

Then there were the men. Sorry guys, but naked men aren't quite as physically interesting. Basically take off the swimming trunks and you just add a couple of extra parts - nothing particularly intriguing happens from a sight perspective. What IS profound though is how once a man is naked, there seems to be an amazing "leveling of the playing field". There is no posturing (I mean you can't posture while you're naked..). There is no hierarchy of social positions. There just isn't the need for the "false machismo" and stuff. They were just naked men and everyone was in the same boat.

The result of this was this amazingly relaxed atmosphere.

Then add to this relaxed atmosphere, nakedness everywhere. I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a sexual component. But even though we were surrounded by sexuality, there was none of the pressure or tension that normally accompanies it. It felt like the most natural and healthy thing.

Truthfully, I miss it. There was something so natural, relaxed and freeing about the whole experience. I highly recommend it - definitely worth being on your bucket list.

Confessions of a Newbie Nudist #1

The truth is that I specifically chose the resort "Breezes" in Negril, Jamaica because it had a "clothing optional" beach. Call it something on my bucket list - some strange exhibitionist desire - some rebellion against "the Man"? Whatever, at some point in my life, I was going to attend some kind of nudist resort. And here was my chance!

Truthfully, my husband Wayne had his doubts - and so did I!! The first day that we were at the resort was a write-off due to travelling anyway, but we would sneak by the corridor that led to the "clothing optional" area and take the odd peak in - saw a bit of skin...just enough to make us nervous.

On Day Two, after a "few" rum punches, we packed our bag (with what you ask? SUNSCREEN!!!!) and headed over!!  As we rounded the corner that led between the buildings, suddenly there they were!! Naked bodies everywhere (excuse my 10-year-old-ness here... just telling the facts!)!! Tall naked bodies drinking beer at the bar, naked bodies sitting by the hot tub, naked bodies walking along the beach... Honestly, it's not that I mind seeing nakedness - I actually like it... But my brain had never quite seen SO MUCH!! It was kind of blowing my mind.

So, we tried not to look at anyone and hurried through the bar/pool/hottub area to find a secluded place on the beach where we could be inconspicuous. (??) So, we found our chaise lounges, laid out our towels, looked at each other with a kind of shared fear, took a mutual deep breath and took our clothes off and laid down.

So, we'd done it. We were now officially naked on a beach with a whole pile of strangers. My mind was absolutely reeling - with what? Who knows? With every shred of self-consciousness I had ever felt in my life. As a naturally shy person, this was blowing my mind. So, I closed my eyes and just tried to enjoy the wonderful feeling of sun on skin... Aaahhh...

Just as I was totally relaxed, I looked up to see a fully clothed waiter standing over me with those beautiful, relaxed Jamaican smiles asking me if I wanted a drink. "No, I'm fine"... And another of my brain cells popped - how could I talk to people who worked there who were fully clothed while I was totally naked? Bloody hell!!

It's funny how being on the beach actually turned into a Buddhist Koan for me. In Buddhism, students are given sayings called koans that will hopefully cause their brains to disengage long enough to let them experience true reality. Well, every moment that I spent on that beach fully disengaged my brain. It is impossible to describe the effect on my mind except that my normal rational mind simply couldn't make sense of it - and so my brain truly went on vacation as well!!

Stay tuned for more stories from "the beach"!!

Finding Meaningful Work - Or Not?

I have been thinking about the number of people I know who have been laid off from work and are struggling to find meaningful employment. We want something that fits our passions and joys - something that really makes us want to get up and get out there each day.

But what if 're looking too hard? What if there is work all around us.. but it's up to us to make it meaningful?

I'm all about finding your ideal job that perfectly matches your gifts and strengths. This is the ideal situation. But what if that job isn't out there right now? What if you can't make enough money at your passion to pay the bills? What then?

The funny thing is that there are dangers to making your job the compilation of your passions. We love the idea of taking what you love to do and spending all day working at it and making money - "being paid to do what you love" - it's the big dream. But this puts tremendous pressure on your passions. Suddenly you can't do the things that you love to do with the same carefree joy and creativity because you always have to be considering "Will they buy it?", "Is it consumable to the public?", "Is it good enough?", etc. Often, the focus of putting food on the table completely squelches the creative process that we enjoy about it in the first place.

So what do we do? Do we just get any old job and make the best of it?

Perhaps the answer is YES.

We often focus on the external aspects of our lives and work. We look at the people around us, where we live, where we work, who our relatives are, what our education is, how much money we have, etc. But what if the most interesting thing going on is actually deep inside of us? What if it is the inner journey that is the most exciting regardless of what is going on on the outside?

What if we brought our personality, joy and sense of abundance to ANY job that we had. What if those things were what we were growing and working on each moment of our day? Suddenly it wouldn't matter whether we were driving a taxi cab, teaching grade 6, or being a rocket scientist. We would still be bringing OURSELVES to each moment of the job. We would still be finding joy (or not) in each new experience.

Regardless of where we work, our experience is simply OUR experience. The actual job has very little to do with how much we enjoy it. Whether we want to enjoy it is what defines our experience of it. It's all up to us.

This is the problem with always trying to find the PERFECT job. Underlying this goal is the belief that "once we find the perfect job, we will be happy." This statement is just as false as "Once I find the right man, I will be happy" and "Once I have a child, I will be happy", or the infamous "Once I lose 30 pounds, I will be happy." None of these statements are true. And their belief will lead you down a perpetual road of always longing for things to be different.

Being happy is a state of being. Being happy is a choice.

I'm always entertained by the stories of sages who work at menial jobs. They always have a sparkle of youth and joy in their eyes - like they know something that we don't - like they are a little entertained by the idea that we think that we will find happiness somewhere outside of ourselves - that we think that what we do for a living matters SO MUCH...

Being happy doesn't come from finding the perfect job. It comes from choosing to be entertained by whatever life throws at us. Could be drama, could be hard work, could be a low paycheque. Or it could be learning, growth, and great friendships.

What we do with it is entirely up to us. :)

Intuition

What is intuition anyway?

Intuition is a new way to navigate through this world.

We have been trained that we can use our brains and intellect to find our ideal path - that we can study the options, find the optimal one and be confident in the desired outcome. We do this in how we act in marriage, raising kids, work, and every aspect of our lives. Our brains rule. We trust the "facts", the numbers, and the analysis.

The problem is that the real world isn't like that. We cannot guarantee our outcomes no matter how much research and intelligence that we apply to the problem

The Scientific Side

(feel free to skip this section if the idea makes your eyes roll back in your head)

Modern sciences distinguish between linear and non-linear systems. A bridge or a car tend to be linear systems - we know all of the pieces, how they work, how they interact and what the purposes are of each piece and function. We can analyse the situation, dissect it, figure it out, and find the ideal solution. It's all very possible, reasonable and intelligent.

Non-linear systems are things like weather and ecosystems. We can observe what we can. But in reality, there are so many variables - some we can observe and others that we haven't even seen yet - that we can't begin to predict what would happen at any time (this is actually quite a lengthy discussion that I thoroughly enjoy having that might get added to this website one day).

Using logic and intelligence with non-linear systems doesn't work because we don't know or understand all of the variables and the causal agents.

Human beings are non-linear systems.

Explanation for Mortals:

Our physical bodies are so phenomenally complex, that we can't pretend to understand how they all work, let alone the infinitely complex interplay between all of the moving parts. Then there is our mind filled with ideas, ideals, thoughts, fears, emotions, dreams, wonder, and so much more. How do they all interact? Then there is spirit? How does that work and how does it affect all of these other things.

Then let's look at our relationships - marriage, children, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, & neighbours (close and far). There's our jobs, finances, life-long dreams, challenges,...

How can we possibly know the effect that any decision that we make could have on ALL of these things?

The truth is that we can't. The ripple effect of all of our decisions is infinite and impossible to know. This is where intuition comes in.

Our Actual Navigation System:

We weren't meant to navigate using our brains. The reality is that the smarter we are, the more impossible it is to use our brains to make decisions because we can see both sides. The dafter we are, the easier it is. But once you can see both sides, how do you make a choice.

We have to navigate through an inner guidance system. Some call it intuition, divine guidance, gut instincts, the "little voice", our Highest Self, Inner Wisdom, and the whispers of our soul. I call it all of these things.

In order to trust this inner wisdom, you must believe that it comes from something that understand the "whole". Science says that we consciously use less than 5% of our brain. Perhaps that inner guidance system has access to 100%. Spiritually, maybe it is directly hooked into a general consciousness that understands the big picture. Or maybe it's our direct link to God - and the whisperings are our answered prayers - guidance from the "Big Guy/Gal".

Regardless of what we imagine it is or where it comes from, I went through an experience that I wrote about in my book "What If You Could Skip the Cancer?" which required me to turn off my brain and follow that inner voice. I had to listen to guidance from somewhere else - somewhere other than where I'd been listening up until that point. The result was a miraculous healing and the beginning of a new way of seeing the world and navigating through it.

I can tell you of a thousand seredipitous events, continuous miracles appearing in my life - in big ways and very small ways. When I live this way, I never know what's coming, and life is amazingly entertaining!!

The only way to know this is to try it. My experience won't help anyone unless it inspires them to try it on their own.

This is why I love teaching about intuition. It's such a juicy way to live. I love counselling individuals and teaching it to groups. It is a cornerstone of yoga and meditation because it is intrinsically part of how humans are naturally meant to operate in a peaceful, calm, and joyful way.

(I am in the midst of revamping my website. I will posting various things like this that will go on my site one day soon.)

Growing Younger Every Day

What if our bodies don’t have to break down as we age? What if this is just an idea that society has because that is what we tend to see happen? But what if it isn't the way it has to be? What if we can become physically stronger, fitter, and healthier with each coming year?

I completed my first triathlon last weekend in Bala, Ontario. Yay!!! It was a 750m swim, 30km bike ride and 7.5km run. I started training in January when my sisters and I (insipired by the Biggest Loser TV show) decided that we should each work towards doing this triathlon. Since none of us are athletic in any way, this was a huge stretch - but a good one.

One of the most inspiring things about the triathlon was the ages of the people competing. There were a few teenagers and twenty-somethings. But mostly, we were 30,40, 50-years old and even quite a few in their sixties! I know this specifically because they write your age on your calf in magic marker and being a relatively non-athletic type, many people passed me in the race - I had lots of chances to see the backs of people’s legs!! (I actually finished last in the race - but finish I did!!).

Later, after the race was over, I was looking at my stats online - how long it took for the swim, the bike, etc. And I thought to myself, "Well, I can do better than that. If I just do this and that, I can definitely shave some time off there." And suddenly this triathlon thing became a yearly goal. I thought to myself, "What if I don't have to become a triathlete in one year? What if I can gradually get better each year?"

But this goes against everything that we've ever learned! Once we’re “over the hill”, our bodies are supposed to get worse each year, not better. People gain a few pounds each year. We don't become fitter. This is against North American-culture!!

But the funny thing is that I expect all other aspects of myself to improve with age. Mentally, I expect myself to become smarter and wiser. There's no greater teacher than life experience. If we're paying attention, wisdom is the direction we're heading.

We should become more emotionally intelligent each year. We should be able to understand and be compassionate in more situations. We should be able to be honest with ourselves and others easier every year.

Spiritually, I expect to become more intuitive. We should be more peaceful and connected to the world around us. We should hear guidance and trust the callings that come to us. With each year, this should become easier to do.

So why wouldn't we expect the same from our physical bodies? Why wouldn't we expect to become fitter each year? If we’re overweight, why wouldn't we expect to lose a few pounds each year - improving all of the time? Why wouldn't we be more tuned in to what our bodies need nutritionally? Why wouldn't our bodies continue to get better with age?

The problem is that our beliefs about aging can be self-fulfilling prophecies. We have a belief that we die because our bodies break down. But what if we die because it’s just our time? What if we can be totally healthy until the end?

There's a story about a lady that they call "The Iron Nun" who competes in triathlons. She's 80 years old this year and is still doing IronMan Triathlons - 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride and a 26-mile run. She's 80!!

I like it. I like the idea of improving each year - of getting better with age in every way!! And so, I am going to do a little experiment with the universe. I'm going to test the theory. What if I could improve every year? What if growing older can mean growing better. I'm going to give it a go.

Care to join me?

The Newbie Triathletes post-race- Cori, Wayne, and me